Land of Confusion

Tell me why, Phil Collins?!

;)

So I THOUGHT I was doing well, back on track - and then I was UP.

A lot.

????

WI day on Tuesday was disheartening, I'm sad to admit my mind has wandered back to the time I was hooked on that ephedrine. As easy as it is for me to think that's a quick fix, I know it did lots of damage, and it's not a long-term solution. But I'm really in a weird state of mind - everyone telling me how skinny I was before I got pregnant, after my surgery, and how I'll have no problem getting back to that size again.

And how it's only been 2 months since I had Maddy.

But I still feel like I'm letting myself, and everyone else, down. That's right, it HAS been 2 months, and I'm still not able to lose weight! Everyone told me it would just fall off now, and it's not. And I'm starting to get frustrated. They used to call me "Slim" before - what if I can't ever get back to that? Will everyone think I'm a failure for not being able to get back to the body I had before?

*sigh*

I really need to stop being so superficial and selfish - ephedrine may have worked when I didn't care so much about my body, and didn't have anyone else to look after in my life. Now I'm married with a gorgeous, healthy baby girl. So much to be thankful for, and I love being depended on - I need to stop being so hard on myself, and just take it a day at a time. It took 9 months to put the weight on, I can't expect it to come off overnight.

But on the other hand, is it unrealistic to expect my body to at least LOSE a pound or 2 in a month?

Oh, the inner conflict ... sorry for the depressing entry!, but it's just one of those times I feel like I'm really struggling here.

This week, I'm trying not to have anything sweet, with the exception of the chocobran muffins I made a couple of days ago. I've been loading up on lots of raw veggies, drinking lots of water and v8 juice.

It's really tough - why is weight loss such a tough journey? It's so unfair!