Well, I'm pleased to report that I didn't yak or cry at all like I thought I would!
I GOT TATTOOED!
(now I just need to get screwed and glued, and I'll be complete...!) lol
Here's me, just after lunch and just before my appointment, keeping my fingers crossed in hopes that I survive my adventures at Soul Survivors!
And here's Dono, showing some love to the polar bear....(just had to throw that in cuz he was doing everything he could to crack me up and keep me calm!)
Here's the amazing Carly at Soul Survivors, working her tattooing magic!
And here's the finished product! (It's still pretty red, but I'm thinkin' that'll go away eventually!)
The reason I've been so excited to get this done is, well, for one, I've wanted a tattoo for YEARS, but never really knew what I wanted, what to get. And I didn't want to get one just for the sake of getting one. I wanted it to be special.
And this one, my first tattoo, has special meaning.
You see, for years, I had to put up with comments from strangers - comments like, "When are you due?" And when I told them I wasn't pregnant, just "fat", they wouldn't believe me. I always had a big belly, and just assumed I was predisposed to carrying all my weight in my stomach. I did everything I could - became an ephedrine addict, even. For years, I was addicted to the stuff, and I threw out a LOT of money on those tiny little damaging pills. I did crash diets. I starved myself. I put my body through a lot of crap, and inside, I was suffering.
Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. Nothing I did would make my stomach go away, my efforts were relentless, and I was failing myself. I hated myself for it.
Along came Donovan, the greatest man of all, and he saw past my insecurities, fell in love with me for me - got me off my "drug addiction", and told me every day how beautiful I was and how much he loved me. (Note: that shouldn't be past tense, he still does this every day! Ahhhh!)
He never thought my belly was something to be concerned about - we all just assumed that it was fat (and after a lot of research on the net, my self-diagnosis told me I had copious amounts of visceral fat, and I needed to drastically change my lifestyle). I never went to a dr about this - I didn't need to hear a dr tell me I had to do more sit-ups.
As much as I was in denial, I was fighting depression.
After Dono and I got married, we tried to get pregnant right away, and after 2 yrs of trying, no luck. I figured it was because I was overweight - so I joined Weight Watchers! Why not try to lose a few pounds the HEALTHY way? Well, I did - lost 20lbs right out of the gate, but still, no baby.
After 2 yrs of trying, we went to a fertility dr, who discovered I had a massive cyst growing in my belly.
(My first reaction, instead of OH MY GOD, AM I GOING TO DIE? was, DID YOU HEAR THAT, DONOVAN? I'M NOT FAT!)
I can't tell you how many nights I would lay awake in bed, poking at my rock hard stomach (which was the size of a beach ball, no lie), and just wish someone would stick a needle in it and pop it.
Well, on September 26, 2006, that's exactly what they did.
I lost nearly 35lbs that day, in a matter of an hour and a half.
They drained 16L of fluid from my belly.
That day changed my life.
This tattoo is representative of that amazing time in my life - a time when all my years of depression, of mental anguish and self-hate, came to an end, and a new Cat was on the horizon.
The tattoo consists of 16 flowers and buds of freesia, located on the left side of my torso (b/c this is where the cyst started, and where I have permanent internal damage - a left fallopian tube and ureter that are essentially cranked) - 16 to represent the number of litres drained from my belly, freesia to represent my love for my husband - those were flowers in my wedding bouquet, and Donovan was there with me, every step of the way, from wreckless nurses jabbing needles in my arms for bloodwork, to my cancer scare, to having him spend every day and every night with me in the hospital, crunched into an uncomfortable chair, never leaving my side.
The butterfly represents the incredible change, and the way I feel - I was always hiding behind big baggy clothes, and now, I've emerged from my "cocoon", a more confident and self-assured woman, filled with joy and a zest for life that I never knew I could have. (I mean, marrying Donovan gave me that, of course - but this was a whole new level of it that I never realized I could have.)
And there you have it! My life in a nutshell, pretty much.
This is why I've been so excited to get my "ink" done. Now if only I can find the confidence to wear a 2-pc bathing suit come summertime so I can show it off at the beach! Oh wait - sun fades the colours.....better stick with the one-pc, but at least now, I can throw away my swimming moomoo!
I love Weight Watchers for what it has taught me, what I'm continuing to learn from it. Although the loss of the massive cyst resulted in me looking rather malnourished, I've managed to finally fill out a bit, and look like a normal person. For the first time in my life, I feel normal! Now I don't have to worry about people staring at my stomach and wondering if I'm pregnant! What a liberating feeling it is!
I'm going to stick with WW because I still have some work to do. I want to tone up all that loose skin that still remains around my belly and strengthen the muscles beneath it. I want to slim down my hips and thighs. And I want to lose an ass or two (I asked the surgeon to check my arse for cysts, b/c due to the size of it, I was pretty sure I had some in there!.....he said no!....)
So here I am today - a new woman on a new mission .... not just a weight loss journey, but one of a healthier lifestyle - for me, for my husband, and for the baby that Dono and I hope to one day conceive. I want to be at my healthiest when I'm pregnant, and this WW journey will get me there.
My goal for this week - GET 6 APS A DAY!
(HOW GOOD DOES THIS LOOK??!! I promise you, it tastes DEEEELICIOUS!!!)
Brekkie:
Brekkie:
